Tag Archives: North Korea

32. North Korea

 What Went Right?  Pretty quick and responsive direct counterattack, and they took a few shots (albeit not on target). Other than that, they got to get out of the Korean Peninsula for the first time in their closed lives. I have no doubt that none of their losses were reported to the Korean masses, so they probably got to go home afterwards, show off a fake World Cup trophy and wear pretty fake winner’s medals in front of a cheering throng of one million at the parade square in Pyongyang before being sent off to re-education camps. It’s not like anybody there would know any better.

What Went Wrong?  I was going to compliment the DPRK on how compact, disciplined and composed they were in the center, especially in the back, not allowing themselves to be drawn out of their tactical rigidity. But we saw how fast that disintegrated. For God’s sakes, they gave up 12 goals in three games! Blaming the weather on how easily Portugal just shredded this supposedly disciplined defense is way too easy. Fact is the DPRK backline stayed back so much without actually having possession that their games were played almost exclusively on their end of the pitch, and they did a piss-poor job of getting the ball out of it. What’s their excuse against the Ivory Coast, never saw blacks before (which I’m sure is true)? Where the hell does this kind of siege mentality come from? Bottom line is that they showed absolutely no ability to perform any other facet of football other than to act like they were digging in at the 38th Parallel during The Great War (their term). The only kind of attacking this side knows how to do is with AK-47’s, MiG’s and shitty North Korean land mines. This side was the very personification of what’s really wrong with closed totalitarian societies: It’s not that they don’t let anything or anybody out, but rather they don’t let anything such as tactical football strategies and techniques in.

Who Stepped Up To The Plate?  Left fullback Ji Yun-Nam had a beautiful breakaway and got on the scoreboard. Hey, that’s something.

Who Didn’t Show Up?  Everyone else. I’d tell you who they are, but not only would you not know them, I’m sure the Stalinist dictatorship there would send an assassination squad after me because they don’t want you to know – that’s just how they like it. And let’s not forget those “North Korean fans” that showed up at the first group fixture against Brazil. Turns out they weren’t “North Korean” at all, but – wait for it – paid loyalist Chinese actors handpicked to portray North Koreans. What, you didn’t really think that a totalitarian regime even Orwell couldn’t have imagined was going to actually let any of its citizens out to watch football matches ten thousand miles away, did you?

How Was The Coaching?  I guess that invisible microphone Kim Jong-Hun was wearing to get tactical in-game instructions and inspiration from Great Leader Kim Jong-Il wasn’t working. ‘Cuz we all knows how much of an unparalleled football genius the Great Leader is, don’t we? Damn Russian technology!

Did They Finish Where They Were Expected?  What, you haven’t heard? They won! North Korea are the 2010 World Cup Champions! Got the 13-pound copper World Cup trophy to prove it. That’s what they’ve been reporting on the only North Korean television channel, the one that’s on their air 6 hours per day.

Now What?  I have no doubt that this side already has 23 new players (remember that whole re-education camp thing?). Don’t you just love authoritarian totalitarian regimes?

(PERSONAL NOTE TO THE GREAT LEADER: I WAS ONLY KIDDING ABOUT THIS WHOLE ANALYSIS. I HOPE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR IS AS GREAT AS YOUR BENEVOLENCE. PLEASE DON’T HAVE ME KILLED OR KIDNAP MY LOVELY NIECE BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY TO BECOME A POLITBURO MEMBER’S WIFE.)

South Africa Match Observations: Group G

Some random observations after the third group fixtures:

Portugal 0-0 Brazil: La Joga Bonita came out playing positive, attacking football from the outset even though they had already qualified for the Round of 16. Brazil played controlled football, building their attack, finding space, controlling the time of possession, and still getting shots off. As a result Portugal had to chase the game. Still, you got the feeling that Brazil likes teams to attack them so that they can take advantage of the space the other teams leaves while going forward. Brazil did a pretty good job of closing down Portugal in the midfield and out on the wings. Slightly more physical Brazilian team than we are used to seeing. Only when they went long and direct on the counter did Portugal sustain an attack. Decent refereeing early, when the officials didn’t fall for the drama from Tiago and Ronaldo. With Ronaldo playing up top Portugal was impotent on the wings, while Maicon, Mucho Bastos and Dani Alves were most effective on the flanks, getting beaucoup service into Nilmar and Luis Fabiano in the box. Felipe Melo was ferocious in front of the backline, cutting off Portugal’s attack long before it got into the final third. After the half Portugal moved Ronaldo back to his customary left flank – and things opened up offensively for them (duh!), with Ronaldo getting long, direct service into the penalty area. But this had the negative consequence of Portugal practically ignoring their right flank, freeing Brazilian players to cover the opposite flank. This game was more an exercise of tactical discipline for both sides rather than a competition, since neither really tested themselves or did anything adventuresome to win. Nothing artistic but effective enough to get both teams into the next round. Some group of death this turned out to be.

North Korea 0-3 Ivory Coast: From the outset the Ivorians were going to get the ball forward any way they could. Maintaining any kind of defensive discipline was going to be difficult for the PRK, especially after Portugal showed everyone how to break them down. For the first time this tournament the Ivory Coast was able to make good use of the wings and space, putting together passes in combination and not relying on just getting the ball quickly forward. Still orchestrated their attack in the center but once they got forward the Ivorians switched play to the flanks in the final third, and then pounded the ball inside. Yaya Toure was masterful in getting on the end of such plays early (where was that their first two fixtures?). The PRK lost more and more of their defensive discipline with each succeeding group fixture (I suspect King Jong-Il will rectify that when the side gets back home). The Ivory Coast found space to create shots send service into the box all day, with Romaric the direct beneficiary of the uncharacteristic space the PRK was allowing them to have. If I had to guess, since they were eliminated after the second fixture, coach Kim Jong-Hun experimented with a more loose tactical approach to try to get his side to open up more offensively – it didn’t work. All the possession the PRK had only amounted to 8 shots (four on goal), which for them is a floodgate. Romaric took advantage of the space he had just in front of the penalty area with a long-range shot that made it past PRK keeper Ri Myong-Guk. Even with sending Ivorian players forward in an attempt to make up the 9-goal difference to Portugal to get to the next stage, North Korea just didn’t have neither the refined ability to orchestrate an attack in the final third nor the refined skill to make quality finishes. By the 82nd minute the PRK had spread themselves so thin in the back that the Ivorians had tons of space on the flanks to find players in the box, as evinced by the long distance cross sent into the box for Salomon Kalou to finish. A bittersweet victory for the Ivory Coast, who drop out of this tournament on goal differential despite a complete performance they should have been doing all along. As for North Korea, they proved to be nothing more than a curiosity from a totalitarian communist regime. Kim Jong-Il is going to reward them with either fake World Cup medals or a firing squad; let’s hope it’s the former.

-davvydoug

South Africa 2010 Match Observations: Group G

Some random observations after the second group fixtures:

Brazil 3-1 Ivory Coast: After coming in as a sub in the Portugal game, Didier Drogba and his broken arm were in the starting line-up. After 25 minutes of mostly mundane football with neither team getting good shots, the Brazilians flashed some of their offensive magic…Kaka and Luis Fabiano engage in some nifty give and go with Fabiano back-heeling to Kaka, who beat a tackle and put a perfect through ball back to Fabiano who slammed it past the goalie at a tough angle. The Brazilians are the best in the world at interior passing and that goal proved it once again. The goal energized the Brazilians and they dominated possession thereafter. After mostly listless offensive play, Ivory Coast showed a little spunk at the end of the half, but the Brazilians locked down the box and Les Elephants couldn’t break it down for good shots. Fabiano struck again early in the second half when he received a ball into the box, beat two defenders with deft juggle moves, and then nailed a 10-yard left-footer past the diving goalie. However, it appeared the referees missed a handball by Fabiano on the second juggle move. Immediately thereafter, Drogba, virtually invisible in the first half, almost nailed a header off a cross. Elano scored the third Brazilian goal when he ran past Ivorian left back Siaka Tiene and onto a Kaka cross from the left wing. Tiene had his back to Elano and seemed not to know that he was coming, a lazy failure. Les Elephants look beat and began to pile up cheap fouls and yellow cards in their frustration. As with the North Korea game, the Brazilian defense got a little lazy at the end and allowed Drogba to sneak behind them on a long ball into the box for a header past Julio Cesar. Kaka picked up two late yellow cards and was ejected, but the second one is undeserved as Kader Keita ran into Kaka as he raised his arm up a little into Keita’s chest to blunt the impact. Keita fell to the ground grabbing his face that was never touched in the impact and a fight nearly ensued. Really unfortunate that a flopper got one of the best players in the world out of the game and suspended for Brazil’s next match. A couple of late opportunities for Ivory Coast, but Cesar made a great play punching a ball out just before Drogba could get there. Brazil’s win qualified them for the second round. Ivory Coast was all but eliminated, as they would need a Brazilian beat down of Portugal and to annihilate North Korea as they currently on the wrong side of a nine-goal differential.

Portugal 7-0 North Korea: As with their first game, Portugal continually pushed up field on the flanks and put crosses into the middle, not very successfully early on. North Korea started with a heavily defensive 5-3-2 formation and just like their own first game, stayed compact on defense and did not let the Portuguese get open in the middle. However, they had difficulty clearing the ball effectively and Portugual controlled possession as a result. Surprisingly though, North Korea was aggressive on the counterattack and made quite a few opportunities for themselves. Cristian Ronaldo, the superstar right forward for Portugal, spent most of the game on the left side and Portugal attacked that side relentlessly, so they must have believed that the defenders were vulnerable on that side. The rain was coming down hard during this game and Portugal’s defense seemed to have much more difficulty closing on the South Korean strikers than vice versa. Portugal finally broke the ice midway in the first half on a beautiful through ball from Tiago to Raul Meireles, who slipped it by the goalie. Play got sloppier as the field got wetter. Early in the second half, Meireles fed a wide open Simao in the box for an easy second goal. The floodgates opened at this point. North Korea’s defense lost its discipline and began to stretch wide and Portugal took advantage. Two more goals came in quick fashion, both on crosses from the left to wide open strikers in the box. The last 10 minutes saw three more goals for Portugal, two more off crosses from the left and then the great Ronaldo’s improvised goal that highlight films will show endlessly. Ronaldo broke into the open chasing a ball put behind the defense and he and the goalie arrived simultaneously, knocking the ball up in the air as Ronaldo nearly fell over the goalie. The ball landed on his bent over upper back and rolled up to his neck and head before he dropped it down and drilled a volley into the open goal. Portugal has a very tough last fixture against Brazil, but will almost certainly advance no matter the result because of its +9 goal differential on the Ivory Coast. The North Koreans are eliminated from advancement, but are no doubt under pressure to return home with at least one point in competition.