The changes in climate affect us in different ways:

40 Fahrenheit
Floridians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Scotland sunbathe.

35 Fahrenheit
Italian cars won’t start.
Scots drive with the windows down.

20 Fahrenheit
Californians don coats, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.

10 Fahrenheit
Arizonans begin to evacuate the state.
People in Scotland go swimming in the sea.

0 Fahrenheit
New York slumlords turn the heat on.
Scots have a last picnic before it gets cold.

-10 Fahrenheit
People in Miami are extinct.
People in Scotland lick flagpoles.

-20 Fahrenheit
Californians all now live in Mexico.
People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.

-80 Fahrenheit
Polar bears begin to leave the Arctic.
Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival exercise until it gets cold enough.

-100 Fahrenheit
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Scotland put on a hat and scarf.

-173 Fahrenheit
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Scots are angered by frozen whisky barrels.

-297 Fahrenheit
Microbial life starts to grind to a halt.
Highland cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

-460 Fahrenheit
ALL atomic motion stops.
Someone in Glasgow says, “It’s a wee bit nippy today, Billy, eh? ”

-500 Fahrenheit
Hell freezes over.
Scottish people support England in the World Cup