Why I Like To Barbeque

I like to have barbeques. They are neat.
My family has one a lot. It’s nice to go into the back yard and do it.
Sometimes I play with my dog, Jojo.
I love Jojo.
Once I burnt my weenie on the grill and Jojo bit it and I cried, ’cause then I had to eat chicken.
It’s fun to have barbeques ’cause I get to be with my whole family…

Well, the last part is true.
Barbeques are fun and they do bring families together. I learned the art of *BARBEQUE* from my father. I was seven when I went camping for the first time. My Dad made the standard hamburgers and hot-dogs. I have never had anything that had tasted so good in all my life.
We went camping every summer after that. I remember when we would spend hours on what the menu would be for every day, breakfast and dinner. This took place a few days before the trip and it was very intense and fun.
So, in tribute to my father, I’m going to share with you some easy and very fun recipes for your barbecue. Whether your in your back yard or camping in the woods, you will love these.

#1 Burgers and Beans

A classic.
Only use ground chuck or sirloin. Shape patties into a huge balls and press lightly to make it real thick. Slap that on a hot grill. In the meantime get a big can of Van de Camps pork and beans. Add some ketchup and syrup to that and heat it while the burgers sizzle.
Don’t over cook these burgers ! Pink in the middle.
[Editor’s Note : Chef Clark & Menagerie CyberZine are not responsible for any health problems caused by eating undercooked beef. Thank You]
Add yellow mustard and raw onions to your bun and you have got the winning combination.

#2 Steaks Fit For Kings

Oh yes.
Go to the store and buy the biggest Porterhouses or T-bones you can find. Don’t buy wimpy Filet Mignon or New York’s. Stick with the big ones.
The secret to great steaks on the grill is the fat. Buy the ones with a super thick fat strip that lines the steak.
Cut the fat in sections all around the steak before you throw it on the grill. Don’t cut it off, just cut the fat line in little gaps that follow the steak. Next, spice it up with salt, pepper and garlic powder on each side.
Then after each side is done, slap an incredible amount of butter on that side of the steak. Finish cooking and eat up. Just thinking about this is giving me a stroke or an orgasm…
Nope, it’s not a stroke.

#3 Tin Foil Dinners

I don’t remember how this dish was ever created. I think my Dad was just past a 12 pack when we were served this. This is a fun dish and it gives a chance for everyone to be creative cause they get to make their own.

Lay out 4 long strips of tin foil in a cross pattern.
Slap a 1/2 pound of fresh ground chuck or sirloin in the middle.
Salt and pepper it and cover it with thin strips of sliced potatoes.
Next, add a 1/2 can of cream of mushroom soup and a 1/2 can of cream of corn.
Add huge slabs of butter and some sliced onions.
Now if you want you can add anything else to this, do so wisely.

Next, wrap it up very tight and put this right over the coals with no screen or anything. Have some beers and wait at least an hour and a half. Get a big plate and slice this treasure open.
Watch out ’cause the steam is likely to burn your face !
Add more butter, salt and pepper and eat.
Yummy. Even if some of the bottom is burnt, it’s OK ’cause you should be drunk by now.

….Oh, by the way. I saw “The Shining” on television the other night.
Man, that scared the shit out of me. Did anybody else laugh at the part when Jack hit Dick Hallorran with the croquet stick, after Jack said he was here to deliver a prize from Publishers Clearing House?
I pissed my pants that was so funny.

#4 Prime Rib Delight

OK. I don’t know exactly how this is done myself. My Dad fires up the grill about 5 hours before we eat this. It takes a long time and it’s a 7 pound boneless prime-rib roast that he will ask for by name.
All I know is that when it is done, I’m so drunk from waiting and talking some bullshit with him and my brother that I can’t remember what we were cooking in the first place. If you want to know, email me and I will forward your mail to him.
Trust me, it’s worth it.

#5 What’s For Breakfast ?

So you wake up in the morning and your head is screaming and you just want to die.
It happens.
But, there is a savior at hand. It’s eggs and bacon.

Fire up the grill or the camp fire and crack at least 5 eggs and a 1/2 pound of bacon for each person. Cut your bacon in little pieces and cook till done. Drain some of the fat and add your eggs. Cook ’til done and eat this with slightly toasted white bread and cold slabs of butter.

Yeah, you might die from this due to the cholesterol but you might not…
Just remember that another beer is right around the corner.

That’s all for this month. I wanted to share some of the best barbeque skills I learned from my Dad. In my opinion, he is the master chef of all time.
Love you Dad..,

Chef Clark Jewell is currently listed as “Number 3” on the American Heart Association’s “Most Dangerous Chef List”