Feed Your Face, Vol 1 No 10: Pork, It Pays The Mortgage

PORK, It Pays The Mortgage…

Hello everyone.
It has been a while since my last article, so let’s get on with it…..

Have you seen the price of butter lately? What is up with this?

I’ll tell you what it is…It’s a friggin’ conspiracy baby! You see the farmers in America’s dairy land all got together and decided that they needed new 32” televisions. So the price of butter goes up and the farmers get to watch pay per view with their new TVs.

My list of alternatives for butter are as follows:

1. Margarine
2. Lard
3. Cooking oil
4. Shortening
5. Beer

Nothing beats the taste of a french fry cooked in lard. Don’t knock it till you try it, OK?
Margarine is for bread and toast, cooking oil for saute. Shortening for baking. Beer for drinking.

So, have you seen the price of pork lately? It’s cheap, real cheap.
You should go out and buy some pork.
I like pork.
I like to pork in the morning and pork at night.
So go and buy some pork.
Pork Pork Pork.
Oh and thank you Hillshire Farms for the awesome new garage you built for me. Remember, eat Pork!

So, a while back I get this email from my boss, Simon, to see if I want to interview this guy who wrote a cook book called, “Never Trust A ******* Chef #2”.

OK, so I don’t get very many people who want me to interview them but ya know what?
I can’t do an interview because Mr Author never sent me his freakin’ book!

First of all, I think it’s pretty ballsy to write a book and then ask people you have never met to interview you.
Second, when someone says that they would send me a copy of their book so I can read it and do an interview and it doesn’t come, that is pretty crappy…I’m not holding my breath.

Hey everyone! I wrote a book! It’s called “Never Trust A Wannabe Freak”.

OK, line up, who wants to interview me first?????????? errrrrr…

Anyway…the recipe for this month is called…



Hodgepodge is what I call left-overs made with potatoes, meat, and eggs.
First, get a good sized pan and heat it up with a little cooking oil (never use butter ’cause it’s so frigging EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!)

Next, wash and nuke at least 4 good sized potatoes for 12 minutes. While the potatoes are nuking, cut and saute two onions in the pan.
Now add some meat. PORK is my favorite.

When the potatoes are done nuking, cut or dice very carefully and add to the onion and meat (PORK) mixture.
Next, add a can of cream of mushroom soup, some garlic powder (or fresh garlic if you have it) and, of course, some salt and pepper. Crack the eggs into that baby and let it cook.

You can add some beans to it or green peppers. While your waiting for that to cook a little longer try some HILLSHIRE FARMS PORK SAUSAGE (I need my a new bathroom).

So that’s it for now…I have no email address of my own since I have sold my computer but Menagerie will take care of it for me…

Hmm… someone at the door. They look like dairy farmers but I’m not sure. Seem kinda grumpy looking…

Chef Clark Jewell lives in Wisconsin, but would be happy to accept charitable donations from the California Dairy Council to help cover his medical expenses.